I'm really nervous/excited about work next week, 3 weeks after working there, I've suddenly been given more responsibility than I've ever had in a workplace.

It's hilarious, all last week the head people at the company had me take a battery of psychological and SAT-type tests (with lots of questions like if Steve sold more than Bob, and Bob sold more than Alex and James than who sold....), but, at the end they told me I did "really, really" well, whatever that means, and told me I'm going to be being groomed for a new position as of next week.

A part of me misses a fun job where I'm surrounded by people my own age- no one I work with is below 40- and I find myself gossiping with the baristas and bike messengers as a relief from having to act so grown up and, in ways, older than I am.

I am not yet getting paid more, but I have my first salary negotiations in 30 days, so we'll see.

Although I am making enough to be okay and pay rent at my cute apartment there are certain things I want, desperately. After not having much money for awhile, it takes a while to catch up. I tell myself that I don't care much about money, and I don't, really, but every so often, I start to yearn for things I can't afford. I can't even remember the last time I spent over 12 dollars on a piece of clothing (thank god for thrift stores). Lately I feel horrendously frumpy and stuck-in-a-rut and unfashionable. And this whole move-starting-over thing has really messed up my budget, especially since I was just getting settled in Seattle. This has been exacerbated by my recent selling off of most of my wardrobe (I shouldn't complain, there's more than enough left) to fund my life. So far I've resisted selling my favourite things that I've unearthed, like my battered vintage Chanel and Dior bags, and Sass & Bide jeans, and Marc Jacobs flats. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't need material goods, but sometimes I just want them so badly.

But, these are the things I really, really want:

A digital SLR
A bass guitar + amp
A new laptop
Lots of records
A motorcycle (I already tried to buy one, but my Mom and Dad told me that if I bought one, I'd be financially cut off forever and I wimped out at the thought of paying for grad school by myself. Also, I thought I should probably wait for my health insurance to kick in before I dumped my bike all over town).
A vintage armchair
A kitchen table
A fast road bike.
A new Snowboard jacket.
On that note, a season pass to Mt. Hood.
A Marc Jacobs Purse.
Pattern making classes so I can learn to design my own sewing patterns.

But, of course, I tend to spent most of my cash on travel and moving.

I guess, in my life, as they say, the only constant is change. I've been working for about 10 years now, and have never stayed at a job longer than a year. I have never stayed living in one place for longer than a year, either, since I've left high school.

I change plans almost as often as I change outfits. I am never happier than during the departure for a move or vacation....the hum of the motor of the car or plane fills me with such anticipation. I love looking out a plane window and watching the houses below shrink in diameter until they become obscured by distance.

Often, the anticipation is the best part.

I don't know what I've been searching for...maybe I'm just waiting for one place to feel like home or one job to feel like a career or....etc.

Almost as exciting is when a film is enthralling enough to lend the viewer a similar sense of escapism and adventure.

One visually exciting film I saw last week, is the Hong Kong film "2046". It is written and directed by Wong Kar-wai and is a loose sequel (accompaniment?) to "In the Mood for Love" and "Days of Being Wild"

Glenn Kenny, of Premiere Magazine wrote that the film's

"Insanely evocative ’60s-style landscapes and settings share screen space with claustrophobic futuristic CGI metropolises; everyone smokes and drinks too much; musical themes repeat as characters get stuck in their own self-defeating modes of eternal return. A puzzle, a valentine, a sacred hymn to beauty (particularly that of Ziyi Zhang, almost preternaturally gorgeous and delivering an ineffable performance), and a cynical shrug of the shoulders at the damned impermanence of it all, 2046 is a movie to live in."

And Ty Burr of the Boston Globe wrote that

"Is it worth the challenge? Of course it is. Wong stands as the leading heir to the great directors of post-WWII Europe: His work combines the playfulness and disenchantment of Godard, the visual fantasias of Fellini, the chic existentialism of Antonioni, and Bergman's brooding uncertainties."

The visual style of the film, which combines early 60's glamour with futuristic science fiction elements, is absolutely stunning. I thought it was sort of amazing.