Last weekend, Oliver, the frontman for "A Place to Bury Strangers" was kind enough to guestlist my broke ass to see their show at the Doug Fir. The Doug Fir is funny, it just seems so LA to me, like young professionals do "hipster".
But it's a nice place, although the crowd on Saturday was a little bit too "bridge and tunnel" for my liking. Anyways, new friends John and Candy were telling me about how their band (with Paul) Cold Metal is playing an upcoming fundraiser for their friends' bus trip across the continent. To me, this is my dream. They bought a black bus that, I believe (but my mind invents things after two gin and tonics) will run on vegetable oil and they have it all set up and can even brew beer on it! And they're planning on funding their trip by throwing parties and selling beer.
Amazing! A traveling bus microbrewery? That coupled with the feature in this month's Bust Magazine called "Field of Dreams" about three nomadic friends who travel around the US farming and attending bluegrass festivals has given me a severe case of wanderlust. I am so tempted to sell most of my possessions and....buy a bus. We'll see. Anyways, the bus myspace is
here.
Also, I saw Burn After Reading last night, and it is amazing. I just died in the theater. Of course, everyone who was with me started laughing hysterically and comparing me to Brad Pitt's character since I'm the only one anyone knows who works out in spandex while dancing to my IPOD. Yes, sometimes I do dance a little bit while running in place at intersections. I can't help it when LCD Soundsystem comes on.
The preview doesn't do it justice. I loved "No Country for Old Men" but it was so time for the Coen brothers to do another comedy. Plus I had to love they made a couple of jokes at the expense of Seattle. The Portland crowd loved it too.
It is kind of funny- everyone in Seattle was like "why are you moving to Portland? it's so boring, there's nothing to do there" and everything down here says the same thing about Seattle. I didn't hate the city. Before I moved down there, the summer of 2007, I thought it was so fun, but that was partly because I went to all of those house parties and shows with people who since moved to San Francisco. I just, because of various life developments, had nothing tying me there as of September.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Left in Dark Times
The life of the unemployed is surprisingly busy. I feel like the aimless protagonist in Hornby's "About a Boy" who wonders how people ever found the time to fit work in. I could feel quite fulfilled retiring....now, I'm not going to lie. I just started to look for a job this week, unfortunately.
Anyone want to hire an over-educated under-experienced under-achieving girl? My greatest work strength: Coordination of outfit with accessories.
My greatest work weakness: procrastination, laziness, disorganization, general malaise, internet time-wasting, tardiness....
Do hire me. I've been trolling the Goodwills looking for socially acceptable work outfits (since I realized that not one of the 75 or so skirts and dresses I own extends past mid-thigh, I would definitely not pass the fingertip test at a Catholic school). Somehow, I've spent my entire life up until now totally unaware of how to dress "business professional" and "business casual". I keep calling my mom and describing outfits to her and asking if it says what I'm trying to convey: that I'm not the type of girl who frequents dive bars until 5 AM on a Tuesday. So, I'm looking for a costume. Speaking of costumes, does anyone else find their favourite outfits in the Goodwill costume section? It's my favourite next to the little girl dress section. Speaking of costumes, I'm trying to make this exact outfit for Halloween:
Yes, I'm going as Dawn Weiner for Halloween:
Onward and upward:
I went to see the French philosopher Bernard Henri-Levy last week on his book tour to promote his latest release, "Left in Dark Times".
The title is an approximate translation of a Sartre quote and, in English, works as a pun: the "left" can refer to the liberal movement he is criticizing.
BHL, as he's known in France, has been both acclaimed and derided. I haven't read the book yet since I'm still on hold at the library, but I've read quite a bit about his argument. The New York Times review ishere. His argument in this book has been misunderstood, in many ways, if the irate sixtysomethings in the audience were any indication of the general consensus. All of the baby boomers, understandably, get rather testy when there is a perceived attack on the liberal cause. I am left wing, more so than the American democratic party, but some of his critique did resonate with me.
Although he generally aligned himself with the left and protested over the Vietnam war, his support of the American intervention in Iraq (which, obviously, I was always against, not that I have any kind of say) has been particularly controversial.
The book begins with a call from Nicholas Sarkozy, the now-French President, asking for Levy's endorsement (in his speech, Levy did take a bit of a jab at North American culture when he suggested that, true enough, no American politician would ask for a writer's endorsement) in his campaign for the presidency.
Levy refuses and explains that the left is his family, and Sarkozy offers a few valid criticisms of the Left movement, at least in France.
Anyways, the Times can explain it better than I can, but, I did agree with his suggestion that the Left tends to get trapped in the prevailing or trendy paradigm or dialectic of the time, which influences their perception of current events and causes them to ignore events that do not fit into that dialogue.
According to Levy, the defining dialectic right now has to do with (all interrelated) globalization, anti-Americanism, post-colonialism, and anti-Imperialism.
For example, he suggests that the liberal cause is, albeit mostly justifiably, quick to blame American imperialism for all the evils in the world, and, regardless or whether this assertion is correct, it doesn't explain everything.
Levy critiques the left for being too laissez-faire by not wanting to interfere and impose western ideals onto other nations. By allowing, in his assessment, immoral governments the right of unchecked self-determination, we do the subjugated groups in that country a disservice. Levy suggests that this liberal resistance to globalization and cultural American-imperialism is responsible for the lack of "universal values" today. His belief is that we should impose our ideals of democracy, equality, freedom of expression, and justice onto developing (for lack of a better term, I realize that one is controversial) nations that mistreat their population.
I agree with this to a certain extent. I agree with the sentiment at the heart of it, but if we have someone like George W. Bush imposing their values on other nations, it always seems to be a cover for oil interests, no? Advocating for political intervention in other nations, not like it doesn't already exists is kind of a dangerous justification for......any number of of economic and political interests.
We do have international intervention, with the International Monetary Fund, hahahahah. Joking.
Also, I don't really know if the American government, for example, is preferable to that of socialist-communist countries. I'm really not sure. For example, the American news coverage of Venezuela is so biased, but Chavez also engages in some pretty heavy press censorship himself. Same with Cuba.
But I do agree that humanitarian intervention and prevention of genocide and subjugation is important. Levy suggests that Republicans have co-opted humanitarianism as a cover for their economic interests and, consequently, the same kind of humanitarianism has become distasteful for leftists.
I do agree that humanitarianism should be universal, not political, but I'm not sure if it's possible.
It is interesting to listen to Levy's critique of the post-colonial paradigm, and how that whole mode of thought is severely outdated, and the same argument is prevalent in current critiques of Latin America. Those critiques generally suggest that post-colonialism defines a country by oppression, whereas, in order to progress (another loaded term) and become more self-reliant, the country needs to develop its own identity (and well, pay back its IMF debt, hah).
Here is an article by Levy in the New York Times discussing his point of view more eloquently than I can:‘Left in Dark Times’: The First Chapter
I know Levy's so famous, but I first took notice of him when I was a preteen reading an interview of him and his wife in, I believe, Vanity Fair. To me, they seemed so lovely and French, that it precipitated a life-long desire to move to France and become chic.
I don't think he's the most brilliant writer/philosophe ever, if anything, he is a good speaker and self-promoter, but I did like how he said how strange it was that Americans are all obsessed with the Stock Market.
That does make me feel a little better about my total ignorance about such matters. Even in light of yesterday's stock market crash. In my defense, I do have ADD, but somehow my total lack of concentration only really manifests itself when I find something boring. Oh, I know the stock market can be interesting once you consider all of the contributing factors, but the issue is that these stock and financial people are usually shitty writers. I mean, accountants aren't universally praised for their communication skills. That's what I tell myself to make myself feel better about my lack of academic/work prowess: that I have "people skills". Except I don't really, I'm kind of a condescending jerk sometimes (hopefully in a somewhat charming way?) and I'm totally cynical. Oh, and I don't really like that many people. I'm working on it. My mom says that's "discerning," which is partly why I love my mom.
One of my life goals is to become a nicer person. I sort of am.
One day, I hope.
And only related in that she epitomizes that French "je ne sais quoi" that I, sadly, will never quite possess, and I have a strange love for French pop music, Francoise Hardy:
Anyone want to hire an over-educated under-experienced under-achieving girl? My greatest work strength: Coordination of outfit with accessories.
My greatest work weakness: procrastination, laziness, disorganization, general malaise, internet time-wasting, tardiness....
Do hire me. I've been trolling the Goodwills looking for socially acceptable work outfits (since I realized that not one of the 75 or so skirts and dresses I own extends past mid-thigh, I would definitely not pass the fingertip test at a Catholic school). Somehow, I've spent my entire life up until now totally unaware of how to dress "business professional" and "business casual". I keep calling my mom and describing outfits to her and asking if it says what I'm trying to convey: that I'm not the type of girl who frequents dive bars until 5 AM on a Tuesday. So, I'm looking for a costume. Speaking of costumes, does anyone else find their favourite outfits in the Goodwill costume section? It's my favourite next to the little girl dress section. Speaking of costumes, I'm trying to make this exact outfit for Halloween:
Yes, I'm going as Dawn Weiner for Halloween:
Onward and upward:
I went to see the French philosopher Bernard Henri-Levy last week on his book tour to promote his latest release, "Left in Dark Times".
The title is an approximate translation of a Sartre quote and, in English, works as a pun: the "left" can refer to the liberal movement he is criticizing.
BHL, as he's known in France, has been both acclaimed and derided. I haven't read the book yet since I'm still on hold at the library, but I've read quite a bit about his argument. The New York Times review ishere. His argument in this book has been misunderstood, in many ways, if the irate sixtysomethings in the audience were any indication of the general consensus. All of the baby boomers, understandably, get rather testy when there is a perceived attack on the liberal cause. I am left wing, more so than the American democratic party, but some of his critique did resonate with me.
Although he generally aligned himself with the left and protested over the Vietnam war, his support of the American intervention in Iraq (which, obviously, I was always against, not that I have any kind of say) has been particularly controversial.
The book begins with a call from Nicholas Sarkozy, the now-French President, asking for Levy's endorsement (in his speech, Levy did take a bit of a jab at North American culture when he suggested that, true enough, no American politician would ask for a writer's endorsement) in his campaign for the presidency.
Levy refuses and explains that the left is his family, and Sarkozy offers a few valid criticisms of the Left movement, at least in France.
Anyways, the Times can explain it better than I can, but, I did agree with his suggestion that the Left tends to get trapped in the prevailing or trendy paradigm or dialectic of the time, which influences their perception of current events and causes them to ignore events that do not fit into that dialogue.
According to Levy, the defining dialectic right now has to do with (all interrelated) globalization, anti-Americanism, post-colonialism, and anti-Imperialism.
For example, he suggests that the liberal cause is, albeit mostly justifiably, quick to blame American imperialism for all the evils in the world, and, regardless or whether this assertion is correct, it doesn't explain everything.
Levy critiques the left for being too laissez-faire by not wanting to interfere and impose western ideals onto other nations. By allowing, in his assessment, immoral governments the right of unchecked self-determination, we do the subjugated groups in that country a disservice. Levy suggests that this liberal resistance to globalization and cultural American-imperialism is responsible for the lack of "universal values" today. His belief is that we should impose our ideals of democracy, equality, freedom of expression, and justice onto developing (for lack of a better term, I realize that one is controversial) nations that mistreat their population.
I agree with this to a certain extent. I agree with the sentiment at the heart of it, but if we have someone like George W. Bush imposing their values on other nations, it always seems to be a cover for oil interests, no? Advocating for political intervention in other nations, not like it doesn't already exists is kind of a dangerous justification for......any number of of economic and political interests.
We do have international intervention, with the International Monetary Fund, hahahahah. Joking.
Also, I don't really know if the American government, for example, is preferable to that of socialist-communist countries. I'm really not sure. For example, the American news coverage of Venezuela is so biased, but Chavez also engages in some pretty heavy press censorship himself. Same with Cuba.
But I do agree that humanitarian intervention and prevention of genocide and subjugation is important. Levy suggests that Republicans have co-opted humanitarianism as a cover for their economic interests and, consequently, the same kind of humanitarianism has become distasteful for leftists.
I do agree that humanitarianism should be universal, not political, but I'm not sure if it's possible.
It is interesting to listen to Levy's critique of the post-colonial paradigm, and how that whole mode of thought is severely outdated, and the same argument is prevalent in current critiques of Latin America. Those critiques generally suggest that post-colonialism defines a country by oppression, whereas, in order to progress (another loaded term) and become more self-reliant, the country needs to develop its own identity (and well, pay back its IMF debt, hah).
Here is an article by Levy in the New York Times discussing his point of view more eloquently than I can:‘Left in Dark Times’: The First Chapter
I know Levy's so famous, but I first took notice of him when I was a preteen reading an interview of him and his wife in, I believe, Vanity Fair. To me, they seemed so lovely and French, that it precipitated a life-long desire to move to France and become chic.
I don't think he's the most brilliant writer/philosophe ever, if anything, he is a good speaker and self-promoter, but I did like how he said how strange it was that Americans are all obsessed with the Stock Market.
That does make me feel a little better about my total ignorance about such matters. Even in light of yesterday's stock market crash. In my defense, I do have ADD, but somehow my total lack of concentration only really manifests itself when I find something boring. Oh, I know the stock market can be interesting once you consider all of the contributing factors, but the issue is that these stock and financial people are usually shitty writers. I mean, accountants aren't universally praised for their communication skills. That's what I tell myself to make myself feel better about my lack of academic/work prowess: that I have "people skills". Except I don't really, I'm kind of a condescending jerk sometimes (hopefully in a somewhat charming way?) and I'm totally cynical. Oh, and I don't really like that many people. I'm working on it. My mom says that's "discerning," which is partly why I love my mom.
One of my life goals is to become a nicer person. I sort of am.
One day, I hope.
And only related in that she epitomizes that French "je ne sais quoi" that I, sadly, will never quite possess, and I have a strange love for French pop music, Francoise Hardy:
Friday, September 26, 2008
Tax Rates
Money: Canada VS. America
Disclaimer: I've never handled my own tax return (when I called the Canada tax people- edit: the Canada Revenue Agency- about my rebate cheque, they laughed at me since I knew quite literally nothing about my income or deductions for the previous year), so this knowledge is really up for correction.
Everytime someone discusses universal healthcare with me, they end up saying, "it would be nice, but I suppose you must pay so much in taxes"...
Well, let's see.
As far as I can tell, despite what everyone says, American taxes aren't any lower than Canada's (except if you live in a state, like Washington, where you don't pay state income tax), and Canada's tax, well, covers health care and other nice things.
As far as I can tell, provincial and federal tax in Canada, if you live in BC runs from 20%-around 44%. Also, for practically every moderately poor (I think making under 37,000 a year) young person I know, we receive this nice cheques from the government which total to about 400/year in sales tax rebates.
Recently, I just got a cheque for about 100 to "fight climate change" in my community.
Federal tax rates for 2008 are:
* 15% on the first $37,885 of taxable income, +
* 22% on the next $37,884 of taxable income (on the portion of taxable income between $37,885 and $75,769), +
* 26% on the next $47,415 of taxable income (on the portion of taxable income between $75,769 and $123,184), +
* 29% of taxable income over $123,184.
British Columbia Tax Rates are:
5.24% on the first $35,016 of taxable income, +
7.98% on the next $35,017, +
10.5% on the next $10,373, +
12.29% on the next $17,230, +
14.7% on the amount over $97,636
U.S.A.
For 2008, the Federal tax brackets for a single (unmarried) person are:[1]
* 10%: from $0 to $8,025
* 15%: from $8,026 to $32,550
* 25%: from $32,551 to $78,850
* 28%: from $78,851 to $164,550
* 33%: from $164,551 to $357,700
* 35%: $357,701 and above
And in Oregon, for example, the tax rates range from 5% to 9%.
So, it is fairly comparable. If you make lots of money in Canada, you're taxed at 44%, and in Oregon you're taxed at 44% too (although you don't pay sales tax in Oregon).
There are a couple major differences in tax deductions though. One major one is that interest paid on mortgages in the US can be used as a tax deduction, and there is no limit to this. You could own 35 homes, or so many you're not sure how many you own (like my pal John McCain), and that just adds to your tax deductions.
And, that, obviously, benefits middle class to upper class people (bigger the mortgage interest, the larger the deduction, as far as I understand).
Another thing, which I don't believe that is deductible in the US, but is in Canada, is school tuition. I'm not sure though- I asked Paul a year ago, but he had no idea. He fronts as a self-sufficient skid, but he never really had to pay his own tuition/rent in Philly.
Of course, tuition is generally lower in Canada since we don't really have "private" universities. It's like if, hypothetically, you were from the US, you were from New Mexico, and could pay in-state college tuition at Yale and Harvard. And, I'm too lazy to google this, but I believe that the most expensive law school tuition in Canada is around 12,000 at the University of Toronto. In contrast, I believe law school tuition in the US usually runs between 30-40,000 a year. This, obviously, creates less of a two-tier society...but, I'll stay on topic.
But, for example, the tax credits I earn on my tuition have meant that I basically haven't ever had to pay tax in Canada. I can also transfer them to my parents to compensate for them helping me out at school or I can transfer them to my future earnings. This means that, if you went to school for 4 years but didn't really make any money, you can use the tax credits you accumulated during school and apply it to your post-graduation income for up to 5 years. I believe this is the case.
Off-topic, but another nice thing is that if you're struggling with student loan debt and not making very much money for a while, you can apply for "interest relief" for up to 3 years, I think, if you can't afford the payments.
So what it comes down to is that the mortgage tax break helps people with money and school tax break helps people like me.
I'm only thinking about this now since I'm looking for jobs in Portland, Oregon.
Another thing is that it seems like the executive positions in the US generally pay higher salaries than in Canada (as in a few hundred thousand) but the "other" jobs pay a lot less.
I keep coming across these jobs with lists and lists of requirements, and the salary is something laughable, like 19,000.
I really really hate applying for jobs, which is what I'm doing right now. I hate it so much, I'm tempted to return to school.
Disclaimer: I've never handled my own tax return (when I called the Canada tax people- edit: the Canada Revenue Agency- about my rebate cheque, they laughed at me since I knew quite literally nothing about my income or deductions for the previous year), so this knowledge is really up for correction.
Everytime someone discusses universal healthcare with me, they end up saying, "it would be nice, but I suppose you must pay so much in taxes"...
Well, let's see.
As far as I can tell, despite what everyone says, American taxes aren't any lower than Canada's (except if you live in a state, like Washington, where you don't pay state income tax), and Canada's tax, well, covers health care and other nice things.
As far as I can tell, provincial and federal tax in Canada, if you live in BC runs from 20%-around 44%. Also, for practically every moderately poor (I think making under 37,000 a year) young person I know, we receive this nice cheques from the government which total to about 400/year in sales tax rebates.
Recently, I just got a cheque for about 100 to "fight climate change" in my community.
Federal tax rates for 2008 are:
* 15% on the first $37,885 of taxable income, +
* 22% on the next $37,884 of taxable income (on the portion of taxable income between $37,885 and $75,769), +
* 26% on the next $47,415 of taxable income (on the portion of taxable income between $75,769 and $123,184), +
* 29% of taxable income over $123,184.
British Columbia Tax Rates are:
5.24% on the first $35,016 of taxable income, +
7.98% on the next $35,017, +
10.5% on the next $10,373, +
12.29% on the next $17,230, +
14.7% on the amount over $97,636
U.S.A.
For 2008, the Federal tax brackets for a single (unmarried) person are:[1]
* 10%: from $0 to $8,025
* 15%: from $8,026 to $32,550
* 25%: from $32,551 to $78,850
* 28%: from $78,851 to $164,550
* 33%: from $164,551 to $357,700
* 35%: $357,701 and above
And in Oregon, for example, the tax rates range from 5% to 9%.
So, it is fairly comparable. If you make lots of money in Canada, you're taxed at 44%, and in Oregon you're taxed at 44% too (although you don't pay sales tax in Oregon).
There are a couple major differences in tax deductions though. One major one is that interest paid on mortgages in the US can be used as a tax deduction, and there is no limit to this. You could own 35 homes, or so many you're not sure how many you own (like my pal John McCain), and that just adds to your tax deductions.
And, that, obviously, benefits middle class to upper class people (bigger the mortgage interest, the larger the deduction, as far as I understand).
Another thing, which I don't believe that is deductible in the US, but is in Canada, is school tuition. I'm not sure though- I asked Paul a year ago, but he had no idea. He fronts as a self-sufficient skid, but he never really had to pay his own tuition/rent in Philly.
Of course, tuition is generally lower in Canada since we don't really have "private" universities. It's like if, hypothetically, you were from the US, you were from New Mexico, and could pay in-state college tuition at Yale and Harvard. And, I'm too lazy to google this, but I believe that the most expensive law school tuition in Canada is around 12,000 at the University of Toronto. In contrast, I believe law school tuition in the US usually runs between 30-40,000 a year. This, obviously, creates less of a two-tier society...but, I'll stay on topic.
But, for example, the tax credits I earn on my tuition have meant that I basically haven't ever had to pay tax in Canada. I can also transfer them to my parents to compensate for them helping me out at school or I can transfer them to my future earnings. This means that, if you went to school for 4 years but didn't really make any money, you can use the tax credits you accumulated during school and apply it to your post-graduation income for up to 5 years. I believe this is the case.
Off-topic, but another nice thing is that if you're struggling with student loan debt and not making very much money for a while, you can apply for "interest relief" for up to 3 years, I think, if you can't afford the payments.
So what it comes down to is that the mortgage tax break helps people with money and school tax break helps people like me.
I'm only thinking about this now since I'm looking for jobs in Portland, Oregon.
Another thing is that it seems like the executive positions in the US generally pay higher salaries than in Canada (as in a few hundred thousand) but the "other" jobs pay a lot less.
I keep coming across these jobs with lists and lists of requirements, and the salary is something laughable, like 19,000.
I really really hate applying for jobs, which is what I'm doing right now. I hate it so much, I'm tempted to return to school.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
For no reason at all...Sparks is exciting to us Canadians, since we don't have it at home.
A certain someone borrowed (well, took, let's just call it for what it is) my digital camera when they went eastward so I've been biking around this week taking photos of my new city(real road bikes work sooo much better than old cruisers, it's amazing, now I bike ride for miles and miles, I haven't taken a bus in days) using my old film camera to take photos of my new home.
It's a really nice old camera, but it is weird to readjust once again to waiting to see how the photos will turn out. And-somehow there's just something nice about feeling the weight of a manual camera in your hands. It's like unearthing a record in the dusty stacks in the back of a dingy store in a small town somewhere versus downloading a file on soulseek- the internet revolution really left me in the dust. And I know it's a far-gone pop culture cliche to mention, but CD-R's really took the romance right out of mix tapes. Even in the post-High Fidelity age, I would still melt for a mix tape in 2008. Especially since I really came of dating age in the burning CDs era. Hell, especially if someone played it out of a boom box and stood on a car and held it up outside my window....hah.
Anyways, I still feel that it takes way nicer photos than any digital camera, so hopefully I can charm someone into letting me use their scanner, so I can show off my photo adventures.
Being alone is a funny thing. Living alone is always thought it would be something I would like. I like the feeling of playing the music loud and drinking wine and hanging out in slips and being shut off from the world- but then, I get it, and I start to feel a little bit lonely. I guess I've never been alone for too long- I've been dating consistently since I was 16- so maybe I've never allowed myself the time to get comfortable with not having anyone to call, sometimes, and learning to be okay with it.
It's like just after a breakup, no matter how much you're convinced that it was the right thing, or maybe, it was your choice to end it- but there's still that familiar ache that tells you there's something missing, and that takes a long time to go away.
It's funny, I guess I've never been stereotypically "dumped". I've never had my heartbroken out of the blue, but, regardless of what people think, my heart does break a little having to say goodbye to someone or, even, if you allow yourself to get those butterflies in your stomach about a crush, even if you never admit it, and nothing materializes. I guess I'm just saying that, at least for me, I get little heartbreaks all the time. Sometimes I do wonder about how, after a certain age, it is possible to fall head over heels in love with someone. Is it possible? Even if it is, would anyone normal admit it? I mean, who would throw it out there that they can't stop thinking about someone they just met? I wouldn't. I dare you to admit to someone that you want them. I mean, it's total shit if you scare them, but the payoff is huge, no?
I don't think anyone's been like that about me, but, really, it's possible that they have been, and I've never known. I've never been a capital 'R' "Romantic", well, at least not within the past 5 years.
But anyways, loneliness is a funny thing, and breakups are total shit, almost always.
I had almost convinced myself that "Love" doesn't exist (just rm be clear, I've ended a few long-term relationships in my time, so that's where that bias comes from) and that romantics were silly, and then I talked to my Mom, who, I think, believes that the reason I've never cared about Valentine's Day or weddings or anniversaries is because I've never really been madly in love and she told me, that after 25 years that she and my Dad are still in love and that, "marriage doesn't make any sense, until you meet someone who makes you want it, anyways." So well, there you go. Of course, my mom and dad had two kids by my age, so we do differ slightly in our life paths, but sometimes I do have wonder if the pool of cute and interesting boys that are so easy to meet at this age will, ahem, dry up at some point in the future, and I am missing out on an adventure I should take. Not like I'm in any hurry to settle down, but I am conscious of....wasting any part of my twenties not living life to the fullest.
I do feel weird talking about personal stuff on the internet, since, I think it bores people, and I don't like the idea of talking about anyone else in a public forum.
I am a private person, and it always feels weird to put my thoughts out there, but I guess they're all pretty abstract/general ones, anyways. I had one boy who actually used to post on a Myspace blog (yes, totally public!!) about the ups and downs of our relationship as well as post emails I had written him, which was absolutely horrific. Another boy used to post poems on the internet discussing my "stone heart" and "glass eyes". He was no Wordsworth, but still.
Anyways, that's why I even feel weird about people I barely know knowing who I'm dating or not dating on networking sites. The ease of internet stalking is pretty frightening.
I think the one thing I've missed about moving to the US is having lots of girls as friends. I've made friends with lots of boys, who are super fun, just because it seems to be easier, but I'm used to having lots of girls to get ready to go out with and watch silly TV with and cuddle with when I'm feeling down. Boys, unless they're super flaming, maybe, just can't fulfill the same function. It's rare that you can have a friendship with a boy without any kind of romantic tensions, and even if you manage it, it always seems to change once they fall into longterm relationships. I've had a couple of good girl friends since I've moved, but I do miss having lots. I also grew up with two little sisters not too too much younger than me, and I just miss that energy, I suppose. I mean, I love love love having boy friends to go to bars with and talk about music and everything else....but, I am a bit of a girly girl, after all, let's just face it.
I had a movie date this weekend to see "The Wackness". I never had any desire to see it, since from the title and previews it just seemed too....precious or like
"cool" marketed and packaged for the masses.
But, it was playing at the 3 dollar theater by my house, and I'll see most movies if I can pay 3 dollars and order a pitcher of beer and a veggie burger to go with it.
It might've been the pitcher of beer, but I was pretty amused through out it. I didn't like it for the deep generational poignant movie it, periodically, tried to be, but I liked it for an entertaining movie that went down nicely with my beer. And, any movie that crams enough A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, and Biggie onto the soundtrack, really pleases the mid-nineties child in me.
Speaking of the nineties, (you know, I have an undying love for the 1990s, as I'm sure I've mentioned, but I'm not gonna lie, I was probably like 10 when Kurt Cobain died) last night I went and saw Irvine Welsh (Filth, Trainspotting, The Acid House, etc) read from his new book "Crime". He was charming and self-effacing in his Scottish way
and, to horribly misquote him, I liked what he said about cutting down in his drug use in old age: "well, drinking and doing drugs is fun, and I still like it from time to time, but the hangovers get worse as you get older, and at my age you only have so many days left, and I don't want to spend them all on the floor sweating. It's a pure calculator game. And, I've done them all and know what happens, so some of the fun's been knocked out of it. There's no mystery anymore. But, if something new came on the market, I'd be tempted."
I mean you have to love a middle-aged dude that spends half the year in Miami for the "house music scene".
I always like seeing writers speak about their work. One of those childhood dreams that will probably never materialize was and always will be to be a published novelist, so it's always inspiring to see some bloke with that lifestyle stand up and talk about it, although they never have anything useful to say other than "just fooking do it". It was also interesting to hear him talk about how Iceberg Slim was one of the most under-appreciated writers of the last 50 or so odd years. It is funny how a Scottish author can capture the colloquialisms, failings, and language of his culture and be revered for it, but how an African-American on the other hand...
A certain someone borrowed (well, took, let's just call it for what it is) my digital camera when they went eastward so I've been biking around this week taking photos of my new city(real road bikes work sooo much better than old cruisers, it's amazing, now I bike ride for miles and miles, I haven't taken a bus in days) using my old film camera to take photos of my new home.
It's a really nice old camera, but it is weird to readjust once again to waiting to see how the photos will turn out. And-somehow there's just something nice about feeling the weight of a manual camera in your hands. It's like unearthing a record in the dusty stacks in the back of a dingy store in a small town somewhere versus downloading a file on soulseek- the internet revolution really left me in the dust. And I know it's a far-gone pop culture cliche to mention, but CD-R's really took the romance right out of mix tapes. Even in the post-High Fidelity age, I would still melt for a mix tape in 2008. Especially since I really came of dating age in the burning CDs era. Hell, especially if someone played it out of a boom box and stood on a car and held it up outside my window....hah.
Anyways, I still feel that it takes way nicer photos than any digital camera, so hopefully I can charm someone into letting me use their scanner, so I can show off my photo adventures.
Being alone is a funny thing. Living alone is always thought it would be something I would like. I like the feeling of playing the music loud and drinking wine and hanging out in slips and being shut off from the world- but then, I get it, and I start to feel a little bit lonely. I guess I've never been alone for too long- I've been dating consistently since I was 16- so maybe I've never allowed myself the time to get comfortable with not having anyone to call, sometimes, and learning to be okay with it.
It's like just after a breakup, no matter how much you're convinced that it was the right thing, or maybe, it was your choice to end it- but there's still that familiar ache that tells you there's something missing, and that takes a long time to go away.
It's funny, I guess I've never been stereotypically "dumped". I've never had my heartbroken out of the blue, but, regardless of what people think, my heart does break a little having to say goodbye to someone or, even, if you allow yourself to get those butterflies in your stomach about a crush, even if you never admit it, and nothing materializes. I guess I'm just saying that, at least for me, I get little heartbreaks all the time. Sometimes I do wonder about how, after a certain age, it is possible to fall head over heels in love with someone. Is it possible? Even if it is, would anyone normal admit it? I mean, who would throw it out there that they can't stop thinking about someone they just met? I wouldn't. I dare you to admit to someone that you want them. I mean, it's total shit if you scare them, but the payoff is huge, no?
I don't think anyone's been like that about me, but, really, it's possible that they have been, and I've never known. I've never been a capital 'R' "Romantic", well, at least not within the past 5 years.
But anyways, loneliness is a funny thing, and breakups are total shit, almost always.
I had almost convinced myself that "Love" doesn't exist (just rm be clear, I've ended a few long-term relationships in my time, so that's where that bias comes from) and that romantics were silly, and then I talked to my Mom, who, I think, believes that the reason I've never cared about Valentine's Day or weddings or anniversaries is because I've never really been madly in love and she told me, that after 25 years that she and my Dad are still in love and that, "marriage doesn't make any sense, until you meet someone who makes you want it, anyways." So well, there you go. Of course, my mom and dad had two kids by my age, so we do differ slightly in our life paths, but sometimes I do have wonder if the pool of cute and interesting boys that are so easy to meet at this age will, ahem, dry up at some point in the future, and I am missing out on an adventure I should take. Not like I'm in any hurry to settle down, but I am conscious of....wasting any part of my twenties not living life to the fullest.
I do feel weird talking about personal stuff on the internet, since, I think it bores people, and I don't like the idea of talking about anyone else in a public forum.
I am a private person, and it always feels weird to put my thoughts out there, but I guess they're all pretty abstract/general ones, anyways. I had one boy who actually used to post on a Myspace blog (yes, totally public!!) about the ups and downs of our relationship as well as post emails I had written him, which was absolutely horrific. Another boy used to post poems on the internet discussing my "stone heart" and "glass eyes". He was no Wordsworth, but still.
Anyways, that's why I even feel weird about people I barely know knowing who I'm dating or not dating on networking sites. The ease of internet stalking is pretty frightening.
I think the one thing I've missed about moving to the US is having lots of girls as friends. I've made friends with lots of boys, who are super fun, just because it seems to be easier, but I'm used to having lots of girls to get ready to go out with and watch silly TV with and cuddle with when I'm feeling down. Boys, unless they're super flaming, maybe, just can't fulfill the same function. It's rare that you can have a friendship with a boy without any kind of romantic tensions, and even if you manage it, it always seems to change once they fall into longterm relationships. I've had a couple of good girl friends since I've moved, but I do miss having lots. I also grew up with two little sisters not too too much younger than me, and I just miss that energy, I suppose. I mean, I love love love having boy friends to go to bars with and talk about music and everything else....but, I am a bit of a girly girl, after all, let's just face it.
I had a movie date this weekend to see "The Wackness". I never had any desire to see it, since from the title and previews it just seemed too....precious or like
"cool" marketed and packaged for the masses.
But, it was playing at the 3 dollar theater by my house, and I'll see most movies if I can pay 3 dollars and order a pitcher of beer and a veggie burger to go with it.
It might've been the pitcher of beer, but I was pretty amused through out it. I didn't like it for the deep generational poignant movie it, periodically, tried to be, but I liked it for an entertaining movie that went down nicely with my beer. And, any movie that crams enough A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, and Biggie onto the soundtrack, really pleases the mid-nineties child in me.
Speaking of the nineties, (you know, I have an undying love for the 1990s, as I'm sure I've mentioned, but I'm not gonna lie, I was probably like 10 when Kurt Cobain died) last night I went and saw Irvine Welsh (Filth, Trainspotting, The Acid House, etc) read from his new book "Crime". He was charming and self-effacing in his Scottish way
and, to horribly misquote him, I liked what he said about cutting down in his drug use in old age: "well, drinking and doing drugs is fun, and I still like it from time to time, but the hangovers get worse as you get older, and at my age you only have so many days left, and I don't want to spend them all on the floor sweating. It's a pure calculator game. And, I've done them all and know what happens, so some of the fun's been knocked out of it. There's no mystery anymore. But, if something new came on the market, I'd be tempted."
I mean you have to love a middle-aged dude that spends half the year in Miami for the "house music scene".
I always like seeing writers speak about their work. One of those childhood dreams that will probably never materialize was and always will be to be a published novelist, so it's always inspiring to see some bloke with that lifestyle stand up and talk about it, although they never have anything useful to say other than "just fooking do it". It was also interesting to hear him talk about how Iceberg Slim was one of the most under-appreciated writers of the last 50 or so odd years. It is funny how a Scottish author can capture the colloquialisms, failings, and language of his culture and be revered for it, but how an African-American on the other hand...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
When does it become socially unacceptable to wear little girls' dresses from the thrift store? Hmmm...about 5 years ago? Probably.
I had completely blocked out that teenage phase of my life where I once wore Birkenstocks everyday for an entire summer, until I found this today. If I ever try to act cool, just remind me of my "Birkenstock phase." I actually have to give credit to friends from wrenching a few folk festival inspired ensembles away from me.
For anyone younger than me reading this, you just wouldn't understand the bad outfits of that era. We had pagers, not cellphones. This was pre-The Strokes, pre-Arcade Fire, pre-hipster dance nights. In high school, I had two pairs of non-sneakers, one pair of brown flats and one pair of black flats, because I thought anything else was unnecessary. Anytime someone from way back when sees me now they either say "Wow, your hair's so long!" or "You look like a girl!"
In Florence, I think:
Complaining is boring, but I don't like bad days at all. I'm just too stressed right now about various things. It's hilariously self-indulgent to be sitting in a coffee shop getting all emo because sad and folky songs are playing on the radio.I always feel vaguely guilty about feeling sad, especially when there are so many people out there with bigger problems than me. I mean, do relationship problems really matter? Financial problems? Life questions? Feeling inadequate because I'm not pretty/successful/cool/intelligent/wanted/outgoing enough? Ever since I've been, you know, of age, I've tried never to voice insecurities because it's just so boring and self-involved.
Of course, I feel the same way sometimes, but whenever someone complains about being too unattractive or something like that, I can't help but think that they should get out of their own head and think about something else.
I'm lucky to have these so-called "problems" of mine.
It is funny that, in North America, we wallow in our own minute problems which most other people would love to have. I mean, when I'm having a bad day, I go buy myself a vintage dress, an old record or an old romantic movie, some Chilean wine, an old book with yellowed corners, materials to make vegan chocolate chip cookies, and usually, that's enough.
Problem solved (or at least forgot about) for under forty dollars. You know you don't have real problems when that's the case.
I do wonder why we still have bad days....maybe happiness isn't a sustainable feeling, or, more likely, most of us have elevated, unrealistic definitions of "happiness". Maybe stability could be happiness. Making someone else happy could be happiness. Comfort could be happiness. Being loved could be happiness. Doing the right thing could be happiness. Religious or political freedom could be happiness. A roof over your head and food on the table could be happiness to most of the rest of the world.
The Economist Spin on Happiness:
"One way to get a handle on consumerism in our society, is to look at the results coming out of recent 'happiness' research which is starting to have a lot of impact in economics profession. Some of this research results are sort of unsurprising, for example, they've discovered that people in wealthy industrialized societies are on average, happier than people who live in poorer ones. And its not hard to imagine why. With greater wealth comes greater ability to satisfy our needs and desires, to alleviate suffering and illness, and to carry out our life's projects. From this, we might reasonably conclude that economic growth is a good thing.
Unfortunately there's an unexpected twist in the story. While economic development has been shown to generate a steady increase in average happiness levels, after a certain level of development has been reached, the effect disappears completely. The rule of thumb developed amongst economists, considering the subject, is that once GDP reaches about US 10,000 per capita, further economic growth generates no gains in average happiness. In North America, we hit that level long ago, so despite spectacular economic growth since the Second World War, there's been no overall increase in happiness. Some studies have even shown a decrease, in the United States in particular.
So there's something very puzzling about this. It would not be surprising to find that as a country becomes richer and richer, additional economic growth generates increasingly smaller improvements in average happiness levels. That would be just a diminishing margin of return. What is shocking is the discover that growth ceases to produce any improvements at all. Every year our economy pumps out more cars, more houses, more consumer electronics, more labour saving appliances, more restaurant meals, more of everything. Furthermore, the quality of these goods increases dramatically year after year. Looking at a typical suburban home the most striking feature is the sheer abundance of material goods. But how could all of this stuff be and why are people buying it if it fails to please them? Of course, in the middle of all this wealth the middle class continues to complain about feeling squeezed economically. People are working harder, have more stress, and find themselves with less free time. No wonder that they're not especially happy. But how could wealth bring about such consequences? Now that we're richer, shouldn't we all be working less?
So this is what we identify as the problem of consumerism. We try to develop a relatively neutral definition of the problem. Usually when people define consumerism their definition sort of presupposes their pet critique to it. Whereas we try to come up with this idea that, look, the basic problem of a consumer society is were busy busy busy producing and yet it's generating no satisfaction. So the question is why this compulsion a character of our consumption?Now one hypothesis that we find most persuasive to explain this is the one proposed with greatest clarity in the 70s by Fred Hersch in his book called 'The Social Limits of Growth'. Hersch observed that in the very poor countries, the basic problem is that people lack material goods. Economic growth is able to expand the supply of these goods, it allows us to manufacture more food, more housing, more clothing, and so forth, and thus growth generates lasting improvements in people's welfare. In our society by contrast, material scarcity has been almost completely eliminated. And so the typical consumer's income is spent mostly on what Hersch calls 'positional goods'. Or goods for which access is determined not by absolutes but rather by relative ability to pay."
-Joseph Heath
Of course, it's hypocritical of me to talk about North Americans wallowing in their problems, when I ramble on with my silly thoughts on the Internet.
Expressing all of my thoughts feels fairly self-indulgent and presumptuous that people would want to read it, which is why I don't exactly promote this.
But, self-indulgent bad days still make me wish I could get a puppy in my apartment to cuddle with. At least last night I got to see Friday projected in the backyard of a house that held 4 day old Boston Terrier puppies, which made me all giggly.
Some people might get maternal, but I get pet-ernal (corny, seriously).
I also wish people would stop stealing my bicycles. I should probably stop getting such pretty ones. No more vintage cruisers. Something a little more function and a little less form.
I also wish that someone would write an etiquette book which would stop me from accidentally going on dates that I think aren't dates. I have no idea how to distinguish between platonic and non-platonic invites. There should be some kind of book with chapters dedicated to decoding innuendo in text messages. Kidding. I actually think that dating today is somewhat symptomatic of the decline of our civilization, but that's a whole other topic.
Does anyone want to be my pen pal? I'll send you rambling one-of-kind seriously off-topic letters that I will bang out on my own typewriter after a couple of glasses of wine, hahah. Unfortunately there's no spam folder in slow mail. I'm really not cut out for today's world. I'm like a 65 year old inside. I need to stop watching cute black and white movies and get with 2008 and learn useful things like why it's important to do virus scans on your computer more than once every two years.
But, anyways, enough with my self-indulgent North American thoughts. I still do need some cheering up, so think good thoughts for me, and hopefully the weekend will be good. xoxoxo.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
One day I'll actually be motivated to assemble a comprehensive blogroll, but I think I mentioned I was lazy?
Anyways,
two vegan food blogs recently did PDX restaurant tours.
Check it:
Vegan Friendly NYC in Portland
and To Live and Eat in LA does Portland. And yes, I blog way more when I'm trying to avoid homework. Or unpacking.
PS.
In an only in America topic.
I know lots of other people out there on the internet have mentioned this, but for any Canadians who haven't seen it (HFCS isn't in products up there)
check out these commercials actually promoting high fructose corn syrup.
These are so ridiculous, they're sort of amazing. This is the same kind of baseless pandering I witnessed at the Republican national convention (I know, I'm so exciting, my 17 year old sister told me I had turned into an old person the last time I saw her) when John McCain was doing his whole down-home accessible thing (although, I admit, he is charming, but I'd prefer him a a friend's grandpa rather than as president of the country) and Sarah Palin was being touted as a pitbull in lipstick or whatever. Those photos of her holding her baby while hard at work in her office would be laughable in their idiocy if they didn't work.
All of those crazy elitist liberals and their silly fear or corn syrup: this reminds me of The Onion's amusing video about how Obama being portrayed as an elitist hailed as a step forward for African Americans.
I watched the documentary King Corn (that's it right, I'm way too unmotivated to google) a while back and, while it was an interesting look at the farming industry, I was kind of disappointed it didn't delve into the nutritional issue. Of course, I would be disappointed about that. I have psychosomatic attacks when I accidentally ingest processed sugar. I actually am crazy enough that I avoid it whenever possible, except for brown rice syrup or agave syrup in moderation. I'm a total Stevia fiend.
The moral of this story is that you should learn from horror movies, not commercials. Corn is scary. Period.
Anyways,
two vegan food blogs recently did PDX restaurant tours.
Check it:
Vegan Friendly NYC in Portland
and To Live and Eat in LA does Portland. And yes, I blog way more when I'm trying to avoid homework. Or unpacking.
PS.
In an only in America topic.
I know lots of other people out there on the internet have mentioned this, but for any Canadians who haven't seen it (HFCS isn't in products up there)
check out these commercials actually promoting high fructose corn syrup.
These are so ridiculous, they're sort of amazing. This is the same kind of baseless pandering I witnessed at the Republican national convention (I know, I'm so exciting, my 17 year old sister told me I had turned into an old person the last time I saw her) when John McCain was doing his whole down-home accessible thing (although, I admit, he is charming, but I'd prefer him a a friend's grandpa rather than as president of the country) and Sarah Palin was being touted as a pitbull in lipstick or whatever. Those photos of her holding her baby while hard at work in her office would be laughable in their idiocy if they didn't work.
All of those crazy elitist liberals and their silly fear or corn syrup: this reminds me of The Onion's amusing video about how Obama being portrayed as an elitist hailed as a step forward for African Americans.
I watched the documentary King Corn (that's it right, I'm way too unmotivated to google) a while back and, while it was an interesting look at the farming industry, I was kind of disappointed it didn't delve into the nutritional issue. Of course, I would be disappointed about that. I have psychosomatic attacks when I accidentally ingest processed sugar. I actually am crazy enough that I avoid it whenever possible, except for brown rice syrup or agave syrup in moderation. I'm a total Stevia fiend.
The moral of this story is that you should learn from horror movies, not commercials. Corn is scary. Period.
Weekend in da PDX
I just bought a comfy couch so do come visit in PDX and keep me company....like say, hypothetically, the weekend around Sept 26-27 and come see Calexico with me! Although I am half debating about visiting Seattle sometime in late September. PDX is a good town, check out happenings here. I'm constantly amazed at how nice everyone here is.
After a brief resurgence of fun in my life, I've come to the realization that I'm simply not cut out for regular partying, anymore, which is a shame since tonight is a Prince vs. Michael Jackson dance party in the Southeast.
Okay, okay, this decision to retire from partying is probably influenced by my slight weekend hangover.
Portland has way too many open bar nights. On Friday, I went to the Matador, half a block away from my apartment and played darts (somehow, I did brilliantly despite the gin and tonics) then went to Union Jacks, yes, the strip bar for a bachelor/bachelorette party for Bobby (of the band Joan of Arc, who didn't listen to Cap'n Jazz way back when) and Elise (fellow Vancouver ex-pat) in from Chicago.
On Saturday, I went to this art show/DJ night/Glass candy show at the Nemo Design warehouse in the Southeast. It was a cool space, and had a lot of interesting -look at americana- type of photos from the midwest lining the walls. The show was Adreinne DeBoers "The Preservation of Fleeting Moments":
Adrienne DeBoer Photo Show at StudioNemo from alex mertz on Vimeo.
After a brief resurgence of fun in my life, I've come to the realization that I'm simply not cut out for regular partying, anymore, which is a shame since tonight is a Prince vs. Michael Jackson dance party in the Southeast.
Okay, okay, this decision to retire from partying is probably influenced by my slight weekend hangover.
Portland has way too many open bar nights. On Friday, I went to the Matador, half a block away from my apartment and played darts (somehow, I did brilliantly despite the gin and tonics) then went to Union Jacks, yes, the strip bar for a bachelor/bachelorette party for Bobby (of the band Joan of Arc, who didn't listen to Cap'n Jazz way back when) and Elise (fellow Vancouver ex-pat) in from Chicago.
On Saturday, I went to this art show/DJ night/Glass candy show at the Nemo Design warehouse in the Southeast. It was a cool space, and had a lot of interesting -look at americana- type of photos from the midwest lining the walls. The show was Adreinne DeBoers "The Preservation of Fleeting Moments":
Adrienne DeBoer Photo Show at StudioNemo from alex mertz on Vimeo.
If I had a spare 500, I totally would love one of the photographs to sit in my living room.
I know all of the PDX kids are sick of Glass Candy, but I've never actually seen them despite being a fan for ages, so it was super rad. Plus, it was open bar. Who doesn't love art openings for that?
Them playing on the French Riviera
After the Glass Candy show, we all left, although the dance night continued into the week hours, stopped in at the East End for some veggie food and soul music. The East End, formerly the legendary Rabbit Hole and, more recently, Noir, is a great hangout with two levels and a performance space. Even on Saturday, without any big event, it was a fun place to hang, eat, and drink. Then we headed to Rotture for the 2 year anniversary party with Caves, Fist Fite, Fleshtone, Atole, and DJ Linoleum. Rotture is a good space and on Mondays the old DJ from Seattle's comeback night (I think, I dunno, that was before my Seattle time) spins a gay dance night, and you know how I love the gay dance nights. Good lord, this entry is reminiscent of my 19 year old days.
Plans are in the works to DJ and improve my horrific drumming skills and jam (at least jam spaces are cheap).
I just ordered the book Vegan Cooking for One based on a review atSuper Vegan, and I'm super excited about it. Not that I need it, I found a stash of slightly dated veggie cookbooks from the 1990s at the thrift store the other day. I can't imagine anything that says more- I'm unmarried and barren- then buying a cookbook with the phrase "for one" in the title. No wonder it's sold out at Amazon, no one wants the shame of buying it in an actual physical store.
I just read Albert Moravia's "Contempt". "Boredom," probably his most successful text, is one of my favourite books, but I haven't really delved into any of his other works. It, of course inspired the Godard film. The director actually dismissed Moravia's work as “nice, vulgar one for a train journey,”according to the Times. There is an interesting discussion of the gorgeous under-appreciated film here.
Finally, I just found out that David Foster Wallace, one of my favourite postmodern contemporary writers, hung himself at 46. If, for some reason, you haven't read "Infinite Jest," it's an all-time recommendation.His obituary is here.
His work is hilarious and confusing but amazing. I've also read two of his essay collections: "Consider the Lobster" and "A Supposedly Fun Thing That I'll Never do Again," both of which resonated with me.
It's awfully sad that he won't be writing anything else.
***
Life in Danielle land, future etc: I hate school. I really do. I love books, I love learning new things, but I've never liked the stress of grades, standardized tests, or being overwhelmed with understanding like 30 different sources for a much-procrastinated paper. No wonder I took a couple of breaks from school.
Right now, I am in the process of finishing a course, and I hate that on a sunny weekend, I'm stressed inside. I have attention span issues and am chronically disorganized. I'm not someone who likes to be rushed or stressed. I like lazy mornings spent drinking coffee and reading under a blanket, and late nights drinking wine in a park on a blanket with friends. This is also probably why I've never been much of a career-oriented person. In some ways, I could really love living out in the country, but, I'd get bored, I love the city streets. I love the culture. I love the people. I love the urban experience. There are only a few cities I'd really be interested in living in: Vancouver, Portland, Montreal, San Francisco, New York, Prague, Paris, London, Barcelona. Maybe others. I have itchy feet. Anyways, I was admitted to a grad program at San Francisco State (yay, some school actually accepted me!) which I'm considering, although I'd probably try to defer until next fall.
Even though I hate school, I hate working dumb jobs, as well. Who doesn't? I'd like interesting and, relatively or eventually, lucrative work. So, I'm in the process of returning to school. There aren't really any programs I'm interested in here, so it would probably be California or, I guess, Seattle. As always, nothing is decided.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Email Schemail
I have new email....if you want it, just ask or check my facebook.
PS, my visa was extended!! I'm here until 2009...one more renewal and I think I can get a green card, if that's what I want. It's funny...I hear all of these horror stories about how hard these things are for other people, and the processing times listed on the USCIS were outrageous, but my work visa processed in half the time estimated, and only 1 week after I sent in some missing documents! I don't know if it's because I'm Canadian?? Anyways, if anyone wants info on moving to the US without having to marry an American, I'm insanely knowledgeable now. Although maybe I should just marry an American who wants Canadian healthcare and we can just trade (kidding, kidding, family).
I kind of want to try living in another place, like Europe, since I love the cultures there so so much and have loved travelling there the few times I've been there, but sometimes I don't know if I would like actually living there as much as North America. The plan right now is to probably move to the bay area....I think I'm destined to live in relatively non-sunny places, but it's all dependant on grad school/work plans.
But, it's funny...after all of the family worry and drama due to the Facebook status change, I'm really, inexplicably, happier than I've been in a long time, and really loving this city and my neighbourhood. I keep meeting good people. Probably the change is due to my suddenly non-hermit existence and, probably, my unemployment. I know some people wouldn't feel fulfilled without a job, but, I'm not going to lie, I absolutely love sleeping in, making fruit smoothies and reading the paper in the morning, going for a run, shopping at thrift stores, reading and writing in the park, cruising the farmers' market, and going out to fun places at night.
I don't know how I ever found the time to work. I recently began cooking again, too.
It's funny, the last time I lived with a lovely girl (who, like most, definitely not all, of my best friends vacated the Northwest) we didn't keep any junk food in our house, except for Green & Blacks organic dark chocolate. We had a lovely yard and composted. And I used to cook all of the time when I had someone who shared my passion for marinades, tofu scramble, roasted vegetables, sangria, homemade salsa and guacamole, etc. Then I met the American who only eats crappy processed food.
I tried for a while to convert him. I even tried substituting yam and sweet potato fries roasted in the oven with olive oil and kosher salt for his Burger King Fries, but he was unshaken in his belief that everything could be better deep fried. No wonder he was always unhealthy. Then again, maybe my newfound happiness is due to my recent fall from veganism. I do make a mean eggs benny with feta and steamed spinach.
It's funny, as much as I'm anti-settling down, I do want some of the things that go along with it. I want a house to have friends over for dinner in. I want to decorate.
I guess I'm just feeling the urge to nest.
But this is definitely an abstract feeling. I have yet to meet a boy who likes an independent girl who is kind of a loner. They all say they want that, but when they get it, they just feel threatened, I think.
I personally hate not having physical or emotional space. But I don't think there are people like me out there. At least, I haven't met them.
PS, it's funny that with my blog in its previous incarnation, I knew people read it since....I had all of my "friends" on livejournal. I personally, don't know why people would be interested in my various rants, but apparently some do, and I do like keeping track of my thoughts.
Isn't the internet weird, though? I think it's a sign of our society's demise that anyone can google you and find out if you're "in a relationship" or not on Myspace. It's like all of this personal stuff is out there before people even really get to know you.
I was looking at my flickr account, which I really just use for a few photos and to keep track of outfits/things I like on the internet, and one photo of me, which I haven't advertised anywhere, had over 700 views. How does that happen?
Anyways, I'm spending the night catching up on homework and on the upcoming Canadian election, and resting up for big weekend plans.
xoxo
PS, my visa was extended!! I'm here until 2009...one more renewal and I think I can get a green card, if that's what I want. It's funny...I hear all of these horror stories about how hard these things are for other people, and the processing times listed on the USCIS were outrageous, but my work visa processed in half the time estimated, and only 1 week after I sent in some missing documents! I don't know if it's because I'm Canadian?? Anyways, if anyone wants info on moving to the US without having to marry an American, I'm insanely knowledgeable now. Although maybe I should just marry an American who wants Canadian healthcare and we can just trade (kidding, kidding, family).
I kind of want to try living in another place, like Europe, since I love the cultures there so so much and have loved travelling there the few times I've been there, but sometimes I don't know if I would like actually living there as much as North America. The plan right now is to probably move to the bay area....I think I'm destined to live in relatively non-sunny places, but it's all dependant on grad school/work plans.
But, it's funny...after all of the family worry and drama due to the Facebook status change, I'm really, inexplicably, happier than I've been in a long time, and really loving this city and my neighbourhood. I keep meeting good people. Probably the change is due to my suddenly non-hermit existence and, probably, my unemployment. I know some people wouldn't feel fulfilled without a job, but, I'm not going to lie, I absolutely love sleeping in, making fruit smoothies and reading the paper in the morning, going for a run, shopping at thrift stores, reading and writing in the park, cruising the farmers' market, and going out to fun places at night.
I don't know how I ever found the time to work. I recently began cooking again, too.
It's funny, the last time I lived with a lovely girl (who, like most, definitely not all, of my best friends vacated the Northwest) we didn't keep any junk food in our house, except for Green & Blacks organic dark chocolate. We had a lovely yard and composted. And I used to cook all of the time when I had someone who shared my passion for marinades, tofu scramble, roasted vegetables, sangria, homemade salsa and guacamole, etc. Then I met the American who only eats crappy processed food.
I tried for a while to convert him. I even tried substituting yam and sweet potato fries roasted in the oven with olive oil and kosher salt for his Burger King Fries, but he was unshaken in his belief that everything could be better deep fried. No wonder he was always unhealthy. Then again, maybe my newfound happiness is due to my recent fall from veganism. I do make a mean eggs benny with feta and steamed spinach.
It's funny, as much as I'm anti-settling down, I do want some of the things that go along with it. I want a house to have friends over for dinner in. I want to decorate.
I guess I'm just feeling the urge to nest.
But this is definitely an abstract feeling. I have yet to meet a boy who likes an independent girl who is kind of a loner. They all say they want that, but when they get it, they just feel threatened, I think.
I personally hate not having physical or emotional space. But I don't think there are people like me out there. At least, I haven't met them.
PS, it's funny that with my blog in its previous incarnation, I knew people read it since....I had all of my "friends" on livejournal. I personally, don't know why people would be interested in my various rants, but apparently some do, and I do like keeping track of my thoughts.
Isn't the internet weird, though? I think it's a sign of our society's demise that anyone can google you and find out if you're "in a relationship" or not on Myspace. It's like all of this personal stuff is out there before people even really get to know you.
I was looking at my flickr account, which I really just use for a few photos and to keep track of outfits/things I like on the internet, and one photo of me, which I haven't advertised anywhere, had over 700 views. How does that happen?
Anyways, I'm spending the night catching up on homework and on the upcoming Canadian election, and resting up for big weekend plans.
xoxo
The Rebel Sell
I haven't done too much the past two weeks other than move and do homework, but I did finally get around to reading "The Rebel Sell" by Joseph Heath & Andrew Potter.
It came out about 4 years ago following the publication of a rash of anti-capitalist books such as "No Logo" and "Culture Jam". In the US it was published as "Nation of Rebels: Why Counterculture Became Consumer Culture."
It's a well-articulated critique of the countercultural idealogy that has been prevalent since the 1960s. The authors argue that "the myth of the counterculture" [...] "has been one of the most powerful forces driving consumer capitalism for the past 40 years."
The authors, both about age 40, weave anecdotes from their former existences as anti-capitalist punks who frequented Critical Mass rallies with responses to anti-corporate texts and fairly comprehensive research, to argue that the counterculture is actually a fairly significant part of the capitalist "system" rather than a threat to it.
They identify the 2003 release of the Adbusters "Blackspot" sneaker as the epitome of capitalism existing under the guise of countercultural revolution.
You know that I would identify with this book. Although I definitely don't consider myself a member of the minivan majority, you've probably heard my rants about the people who started going to Critical Mass rallies in 2007 and therefore considered themselves cultural revolutionaries. Or my arguments that while, I support the anti-consumerist ideals behind "Buy Nothing Day," it's totally ineffectual if you stock up on stuff the day before as opposed to reducing your overall consumption.
Or my frustrations with anarchists who think they're "beating the system" by not voting or engaging in destructive protests, when that's exactly what right-wing people want them to do.
Or, for example, one time I told someone that I hadn't managed to succeed in veganism, but I believed in moderate consumption, and they told me "it's all or nothing." Or the boy that wore torn black jeans, black Chucks, and a white t-shirt everyday in some kind of apparently minimalist statement, but when I went to his house, I discovered he actually owned, no joke, about 15 pairs of similar black jeans. For those people, it's more about the statement than the action. You also know this book is for me since it attacks noise music which is inaccessible for the sake of being non-comformist. Of course, I like noise and feedback to a certain degree in music, I just can't take the totally abstract stuff. I mean, my favourite band of all time is probably Sonic Youth and I once wrote a paper over-analysing the social significance of noise in music since the 1960s (if anyone wants to read my pretentious academic writing where I actually proof-read, unlike here, then let me know, hah).
And this book basically attacks that hypocrisy. Those people are advertising themselves through their fixed gear bikes, American Apparel, torn black jeans, and card-carrying anarchism, they're sending out a definitive message. But, of course, like everyone else, that's part of the capitalist system.
I am definitely part of the consumerist subculture.
I occasionally shop at Urban Outfitters and Anthropologie. I buy overpriced organic groceries. I buy too many vintage clothes. I have too many V-necks from American Apparel. I'm not sure what statement I'm sending out to people, but sure, I'm advertising myself.
I don't know what kind of message I send out, but I definitely discourage certain types of people from talking to me. For people like me, who were traumatized by high school, the way we look sends out an implicit message to those people: "you are not welcome here." After my year in, yes, a sorority (hah! really! I still don't know why all those people in rush liked me) I think I overdid it on the appearance front: I changed my blonde highlights to black, cut my hair in a fashion mullet, and wore weird, unsexy clothing in order to discourage meatheads from trying to pick me up).
If I walk around in my daytime uniform of skinny jeans, messenger bag, sneakers, and striped sweaters or AA V-necks, I attract a certain type, if I'm out at night in a dress and heels, I attract a totally different type. I've shocked a couple of people by the amount of spandex athletic gear in my wardrobe. Although it makes sense to bike ride/hike in workout gear, it's definitely not sending out the right anti-establishment and apathetic message. Anyways, the point of this is to say that we are all, obviously, advertising all of the time. And we act as consumers to project the image we'd like to and attract the people we'd like to.
Sure, everyone who's interested in stereotypical countercultural ideals is locked into this sort of High Fidelity syndrome where we're implicitly flaunting our cultural capital. By our choice of coffee house, the fit of our jeans, the bands we mention, and the books we tote around, we intentionally or unintentionally advertise our cultural capital. "The Rebel Sell" discusses the shift of values that occurred around the 1960s, when societal status shifted from being based on old money and family to (at least in the "subculture") how "cool" we are. Do you know how to have a first date where you don't talk about bands or books? I sure don't.
Sometimes, especially recently, I've wondered if it's a mistake to judge people on these superficial characteristics. I mean does the fact that a boy could wear my jeans or can easily discuss the works of Jean Baudrillard really mean they'll make a good boyfriend? A lot of times, they've ended up being pretentious assholes.
We all advertise ourselves, particularly on Facebook and Myspace. Even if we're being "ironic" we're sending out the message that we don't care. Capitalism definitely targets the counterculture. The counterculture is a high part of the capitalist system.
Basically, the authors advocate that the only way to change things is to work for systemic political change and buy making ethical choices with our spending power. Basically, they advocate using the our wallets in order to demand ethically produced goods. The book is also very left-wing in its push for government restrictions and market controls. They make a good point that, even if we put out money in a bank, it's still funding capitalism. The authors actually argue that the only way to really decrease our carbon footprint is to reduce our income (in that case, I can't feel any guilt about my footprint...)
Although it's a well-argued premise that we can't escape the capitalist system, I also feel like saying, "so what?" Of course we can't escape the capitalist system. I, personally, am a bit of a commie, but I don't know if I see it working in the real world. I vote for the essentially socialist New Democratic Party in Canada. But, you could criticize any kind of movement in the same way.
I mean, you could dismiss any subculture for being superficial and pointless. You can criticize anyone's life choices. We can play that game with anything. Does that mean that I have to shop at Wallmart and eat Hamburger Helper?
Anyways, it's a really good read, and if anyone wants to discuss it over beers, I'd be down.
Speaking of beers, little girl is growing up, and I've decided to end my love affair with crappy American beer. I'm fairly knowledgeable about local microbreweries in BC, but if anyone wants to educate me on good local beer in America, I'd be excited. We don't get a lot of it on tap in Vancouver, so I need a lesson. Of course, then I'd just be falling into the pretentious trap detailed in "The Rebel Sell," but, whatever.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Nostalgia
If you know me well, you probably know that my favourite childhood book is "Tuck Everlasting."
The story follows 11 year old Winnie Foster as she meets the Tucks family, who are immortal since drinking water from a magical stream by her house. She falls for 17 year old (well, really 104 year old) Jesse Tuck, and he leaves her water to drink once she reaches the age of 17, so that they can be together forever. Of course, she doesn't since she realizes that a normal life is better than being 17 forever, so she pours the water onto a frog.
But the story is poignant and all about nostalgia. It's one of those stories that gave me unrealistic expectations for childhood summers and first loves, and I read it and "The Princess Bride" everytime I'm sick.
Nostalgia plays funny tricks on the mind. I grew up in North Vancouver, across the water and a 15 minute drive from downtown Vancouver.
My Mom and Dad's house is lovely and unpretentious and backs onto a greenbelt.
North Vancouver is an upper middle class suburb filled with professionals, but it also houses a bunch of adrenaline junkies who smoke a lot of pot, listen to a lot of sublime, and came to North Van for the kayaking, hiking, snowboarding, and mountain biking. My house backs onto, apparently, some of the best mountain biking trails anywhere, and one of my absolute favourite things is to go for a long run or bike ride through the trails. I live a 10 minute walk away from truly inspiring scenery, and in high school, we used to have these campout parties a half an hour hike into the woods.
I still love to pack a picnic and spend an hour throwing balls for my dog in the river and pretending I'm far far away from civilization. Shots of the river by my house:
Although high school was fairly horrific for me, I do miss the North Van snowboarding, backyard parties, and mornings spent eating homemade donuts and drinking organic coffee at Honey's in Deep Cove. Memory is a funny thing, and when I'm home in North Van, I somehow forget all of those socially awkward I-can't-wait-to-get-the-hell-out-of-this place teenage moments, and recall all of the good times. But really, North Vancouver high school so messed me up, it took me a good three years to accept that anyone of the male persuasion might actually find dimples, dark hair, and my personality attractive, since I was so tortured for my weird looks, weird clothes, and weird interests in school. I so internalized the feelings of inadequacy due to my lack of a fake tan, revealing clothes, and long blonde hair, that I occasionally find it hard to believe that people have crushes on me.
My teenage/childhood hangout Deep Cove:
Not everyone had a childhood with hummingbirds and bears in the backyard, and teenage years spent drinking beers at the rifle range (!) around a big bonfire, mornings spent working at Delany's Coffee House in Edgemont Village, and watching the sunrise before work up at Mount Seymour.
Everytime I'm in town, especially in the summer, my heart aches a little for my home.
No wonder I keep returning. But, as they say, you can never go home again. Well, you can, but it never equals the gold-tinged memories in your mind.
Sometimes I miss having old friends around. I like meeting new people, but I love the feeling that comes from having lots of people around who really care and think about you, and it takes a while to find that. Although I met a couple of good people in Seattle, I haven't really taken the time to get invested in the city. It seemed I was escaping every second weekend to Portland, Vancouver, LA, New York, the cabin, etc. Admittedly, there are a lot of people in Vancouver who gave me a really hard time about breaking a few hearts between the ages of 19-22 to the point where it was a relief to leave the city. There really is a double standard for girls. The guys I know break hearts all the time, and I'm definitely been disappointed by people who I thought cared about me more than they actually did. I'm still disappointed by people that I think like me as a person, but are really just looking for someone to hook up with.
Now, I wouldn't care about people being judgmental, but at the time I took it to heart that all of those people I thought were my friends were saying such awful things about me. The slutty boy DJ at my Friday night hangout actually kicked me out of the bar once since my ex-boyfriend was there and I was dancing with boys. I didn't handle all of those boy problems in the best way possible (now I am just always upfront and don't let myself feel guilty about the way I feel), but looking back, I realize what a baby I was. Doesn't everyone fall in and out of love a few times in their late teens and early twenties?
Anyways, it was so lovely to see Vancouver people this weekend. I went to my cousin Sean's birthday on Friday with my sister Jessica and went out on Saturday night with old Vancouver friends.
This Saturday night!
And yes, there is a karaoke video on my facebook from Saturday, apparently. You have to love when you wake up slightly under the weather on a Sunday morning only to realize someone has "tagged" you in a facebook video from the night before.
These are the mental images that make my heart ache a little for home:
Me riding a bike down Commercial Drive with groceries from the Italian deli and organic produce store in my basket, days spend down at English bay beach a block from my apartment with takeout and sunscreen, singing karaoke at the hobo bars, days spent at Wreck (the hippie nude beach) giggling at the drum circles and eating veggie burgers, sunny weekends at the Vancouver folk festival, tofu shishkabobs (sp?), sunlit patios in the west end, Lindsay's rooftop deck, mornings down at Granville Island eating warm bagels on the dock, going to dance nights where all of your friends on the dancefloor, the cherry blossoms blowing all over my front yard near Commercial, mornings running (late as always) to work at the coffee shop when the city is so still, never having to pay cover at bars, drinking coffee after coffee and talking and talking with friends, afternoons spent out on the ocean in deep cove in boats or kayaks, drinking wine in my hot tub after a day on the slopes, thai noodles at the Naam at 4am after a night at the bar, sangria and potluck parties, and being surrounded by good people I love and that love me.
Of course, nostalgia makes you idealistic. I even miss the packs of bloody mountain bikers that congregrate on my parents' street every morning.
The story follows 11 year old Winnie Foster as she meets the Tucks family, who are immortal since drinking water from a magical stream by her house. She falls for 17 year old (well, really 104 year old) Jesse Tuck, and he leaves her water to drink once she reaches the age of 17, so that they can be together forever. Of course, she doesn't since she realizes that a normal life is better than being 17 forever, so she pours the water onto a frog.
But the story is poignant and all about nostalgia. It's one of those stories that gave me unrealistic expectations for childhood summers and first loves, and I read it and "The Princess Bride" everytime I'm sick.
Nostalgia plays funny tricks on the mind. I grew up in North Vancouver, across the water and a 15 minute drive from downtown Vancouver.
My Mom and Dad's house is lovely and unpretentious and backs onto a greenbelt.
North Vancouver is an upper middle class suburb filled with professionals, but it also houses a bunch of adrenaline junkies who smoke a lot of pot, listen to a lot of sublime, and came to North Van for the kayaking, hiking, snowboarding, and mountain biking. My house backs onto, apparently, some of the best mountain biking trails anywhere, and one of my absolute favourite things is to go for a long run or bike ride through the trails. I live a 10 minute walk away from truly inspiring scenery, and in high school, we used to have these campout parties a half an hour hike into the woods.
I still love to pack a picnic and spend an hour throwing balls for my dog in the river and pretending I'm far far away from civilization. Shots of the river by my house:
Although high school was fairly horrific for me, I do miss the North Van snowboarding, backyard parties, and mornings spent eating homemade donuts and drinking organic coffee at Honey's in Deep Cove. Memory is a funny thing, and when I'm home in North Van, I somehow forget all of those socially awkward I-can't-wait-to-get-the-hell-out-of-this place teenage moments, and recall all of the good times. But really, North Vancouver high school so messed me up, it took me a good three years to accept that anyone of the male persuasion might actually find dimples, dark hair, and my personality attractive, since I was so tortured for my weird looks, weird clothes, and weird interests in school. I so internalized the feelings of inadequacy due to my lack of a fake tan, revealing clothes, and long blonde hair, that I occasionally find it hard to believe that people have crushes on me.
My teenage/childhood hangout Deep Cove:
Not everyone had a childhood with hummingbirds and bears in the backyard, and teenage years spent drinking beers at the rifle range (!) around a big bonfire, mornings spent working at Delany's Coffee House in Edgemont Village, and watching the sunrise before work up at Mount Seymour.
Everytime I'm in town, especially in the summer, my heart aches a little for my home.
No wonder I keep returning. But, as they say, you can never go home again. Well, you can, but it never equals the gold-tinged memories in your mind.
Sometimes I miss having old friends around. I like meeting new people, but I love the feeling that comes from having lots of people around who really care and think about you, and it takes a while to find that. Although I met a couple of good people in Seattle, I haven't really taken the time to get invested in the city. It seemed I was escaping every second weekend to Portland, Vancouver, LA, New York, the cabin, etc. Admittedly, there are a lot of people in Vancouver who gave me a really hard time about breaking a few hearts between the ages of 19-22 to the point where it was a relief to leave the city. There really is a double standard for girls. The guys I know break hearts all the time, and I'm definitely been disappointed by people who I thought cared about me more than they actually did. I'm still disappointed by people that I think like me as a person, but are really just looking for someone to hook up with.
Now, I wouldn't care about people being judgmental, but at the time I took it to heart that all of those people I thought were my friends were saying such awful things about me. The slutty boy DJ at my Friday night hangout actually kicked me out of the bar once since my ex-boyfriend was there and I was dancing with boys. I didn't handle all of those boy problems in the best way possible (now I am just always upfront and don't let myself feel guilty about the way I feel), but looking back, I realize what a baby I was. Doesn't everyone fall in and out of love a few times in their late teens and early twenties?
Anyways, it was so lovely to see Vancouver people this weekend. I went to my cousin Sean's birthday on Friday with my sister Jessica and went out on Saturday night with old Vancouver friends.
This Saturday night!
And yes, there is a karaoke video on my facebook from Saturday, apparently. You have to love when you wake up slightly under the weather on a Sunday morning only to realize someone has "tagged" you in a facebook video from the night before.
These are the mental images that make my heart ache a little for home:
Me riding a bike down Commercial Drive with groceries from the Italian deli and organic produce store in my basket, days spend down at English bay beach a block from my apartment with takeout and sunscreen, singing karaoke at the hobo bars, days spent at Wreck (the hippie nude beach) giggling at the drum circles and eating veggie burgers, sunny weekends at the Vancouver folk festival, tofu shishkabobs (sp?), sunlit patios in the west end, Lindsay's rooftop deck, mornings down at Granville Island eating warm bagels on the dock, going to dance nights where all of your friends on the dancefloor, the cherry blossoms blowing all over my front yard near Commercial, mornings running (late as always) to work at the coffee shop when the city is so still, never having to pay cover at bars, drinking coffee after coffee and talking and talking with friends, afternoons spent out on the ocean in deep cove in boats or kayaks, drinking wine in my hot tub after a day on the slopes, thai noodles at the Naam at 4am after a night at the bar, sangria and potluck parties, and being surrounded by good people I love and that love me.
Of course, nostalgia makes you idealistic. I even miss the packs of bloody mountain bikers that congregrate on my parents' street every morning.
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