Girl Drama

It's always weird living in a new place.

Being a born-and-raised Vancouverite, I've never had to worry too much about going out of my way to make friends. Well, aside from my high school years where I had about two friends due to my shyness, inability to relate to others in my peer group, and tendencies to tote around a copy of War and Peace. That and my somewhat pretentious 16 year old belief I was a card-carrying turtleneck-wearing member of the Beat Generation meant I just never fit in in high school. Thankfully I had a few friends to go to shows with, sneak out to raves to (sorry Mom and Dad, aren't teens awful), and sneak into college parties with.

College for me was a revelation. Suddenly, I was in a small program of 30 students who loved discussing philosophy, postmodern art, indie rock, and Russian and French Literature. I don't think I will ever again replicate the excitement I felt at that age in discovering that there were other people who liked to sit around and discuss nerdy things. At the same time, I began to get more involved in the Vancouver music scene, and began to go out drinking and dancing with a bunch of other former-rave kids excited that bands like the Rapture and the Moving Units were producing danceable music. To this day, I have to stifle urges for a nostalgic group hug when Pulp's "Common People" is played at the bar. I do sort of miss those days before everyone was so cool...back when you could still go out in white belts and black jeans we were just dorky kids looking for cool people to dance with. It's funny, because now there's cool stuff going on pretty much every night in Vancouver, but it wasn't always like that. Remember when there we were the only people on the dancefloor? And there was only Mod Club, BritPop Night, and even once in awhile...1980s night at Shine? We weren't as stylized as "those damn kids" today either.

If you weren't a 1990s teen or college kid, you just wouldn't understand. I won't even get started on my undying love of the 1990s. Grunge, rap, riot grrrl, electronica, triphop, folk, britpop indie rock.....anyways, back on topic.

Anyways, when you stay in one city for (aside from a few attempted escapes) years on end, you begin to take making friends for granted. I always had college friends, bar friends, and work friends from all walks of life. Now, since I spontaneously moved to a new city where my boyfriend already lived, I'm sort of stuck with the friends he's made, and it makes me realize how we attract different types of people.

I really hate pretension as a character trait; however, it doesn't bother Paul. I like anyone who's fun, nice, and interesting. We've been to a few parties and nights out, where none of his friends really make me feel welcome. Part of the problem is that he's made these friendships with all of these single girls who are already emotionally attached to and somewhat possessive of him. I'm not the type of person to get jealous or be competitive with other girls for male attention. I personally think it's anti-feminist and disempowering. I also don't take flirting and crushes too seriously; if some guy I think is cute introduces me to his girlfriend, I'll go out of my way to be nice to her. Apparently, not everyone feels the same. One of his close Seattle friends told Paul she didn't like girls like me "who wear dresses" as an excuse for not wanting to include me in plans to go out. All of this immature emotional manipulation is, frankly, a bit pathetic, especially considering all of these people are older than me.

I'd never ever be the type of girlfriend to restrict someone's friendships or discourage them from going out without me- I don't like possessive people, so I try not to be one.

I just hate the tendency of some girls to compete for male attention. It sets the whole women movement back a few years, non?

I've just gotten to the age where I don't want to waste time hanging out with emotionally unstable people. I'm sure there are lots of fun and easygoing people in Seattle, but this particular segment of the population that has befriended Paul is slightly over-dramatic. I guess part of what has desensitized me to these kind of jealousy is the limited numbers of Vancouver kids- lots of people I'm friendly with have made out with my ex-boyfriends and current boyfriends. If you couldn't let go of jealousy, then you just wouldn't have any friends. Who knows.